Stand up and Look Around

It’s Sunday afternoon and Tim and I are snuggled up on the couch. (Yes, we love the new couch, even though it’s white and I’m sure I have about 2 more weeks of it to remain so before I trip over my own two feet, flailing both arms in the air, and spill red wine all over it. Guess that’s why they make throw pillows. Until then, it’s the most comfortable thing I’ve ever purchased.) Tim is fighting off some sort of cold/flu bug that’s limited him to the couch most of the weekend. I did drag him out yesterday (before I knew how bad he felt) in the cold and the rain to get a Christmas tree. Bad wife. Then we woke up last night at 2 am to listen to the Mizzou game, which they lost. So, unfortunately, this has not been the greatest week.

You know, sometimes, the language barrier just slaps you across the face. I’ve been working my little tail off in class all week trying to absorb as much of this language as humanly possible. Even though I jumped from Level One to Level Three, I really thought I was doing quite well. Then on Friday, for some reason, the bottom dropped out. All of a sudden my brain stopped working and my internal German translator stepped out for a much-needed vacation. Consequently, I had a series of conversations where everything was a struggle. With my classmates, with my coffee boy, with this woman from Immigration who may deport me for not knowing the ridiculously tedious process of recycling here. During one conversation, pretty sure I found myself thinking about the ballerina ostriches from Fantasia. They really do have knobby knees.

There is a lot of push and pull emotionally as you assimilate (or try to assimilate) into a new culture. (At least there is for me, Tim for some reason adjusts without too much problem, which makes me a little batty.) There are moments when the adventure is so exciting and you can hardly wait to tackle the day. So much to see and do and experience. Then there are the days when you are simply not up for the battle. My mantra for these more challenging days comes from this mountain climbing guide I had when I was 16. My family (minus Tom) had gone to Yellowstone and David and I had decided to take climbing lessons in the Grand Tetons. I just had never experienced fear like this before. Had no idea I was scared of heights until I found myself hanging off the face of a mountain dangling by a rope. I remember crying at one point, in sheer terror as I was scaling the most difficult pass we did that day. I got to a place where I could just barely see my teacher and said, “Andre…I can’t do it. I can’t go any farther.” Then very simply and quietly, he said, “Stand up Heather. Stand up Heather and look around. The way will appear.”

So today, resting my legs on my very comfortable couch. Tomorrow, the goal? Just standing up. I know my legs are under me here somewhere.