Wie ist das Wetter?

Many of you have asked what the weather is like over here in these parts. Well, to tell you the truth, I have no clue. I am truly not smart enough to figure it out. I cannot, repeat: cannot, understand the weather here in any way, shape or form. So don’t ask me what to pack for those of you coming to visit, for I will inevitably tell you the wrong thing. We are not in Spain, so the rain does not stay mainly on the plain.

Let me tell you a little of why I’m rather Confucius.

Before we made this move, we had heard that the weather here was basically a milder version of the Midwest. Take, oh say Peoria, and drop about 10 degrees off either end. The colds shouldn’t be so cold and the hots shouldn’t be so hot. Ok. Easy-peasy. Well, let me just tell you that if I ever figure out who told us this load of horse manure, I might just haul off and shoot that messenger di-rectly!

Midwest weather, although miserably humid in the summer (which turns my hair into a beast that resembles the blond version of whatever dead animal Diana Ross has on her head nowadays) at least has seasons. Summer—hot. Winter—cold. Fall—crisp. Spring—grab your umbrella. Even things like March—in like a lion, out like a lamb are truly helpful in “How do I let my kid leave the house for school this morning?” Or in my case, “How do I let myself leave the house for school this morning?” (Don’t forget your sack lunch!)

Let me pause here and give a quick sidenote with one of my theories: There is truly no bad weather, only bad fashion choices. I love rain, as long as I’m not wearing dyed satin shoes (as per Homecoming senior year.) No one celebrates snow as much as I do, carefully donned in hat, gloves, scarf and heavy coat. Sun’s out? No problem, just throw me a visor and perhaps some SPF 15. I love seasons. I love storms. I love to run in the rain, because somehow being out in the elements makes you feel more alive. After all, my dream job is to be a mailman, errr woman, that’s how much I love weather.

Let me now add what has been my German experience, because honestly, it’s all I got.

Screens
Germans do not have air-conditioning. We have giant windows that open like doors or tilt back to let air in. So you would think we would have screens, right? Nope, you thought wrong. Most homes are sans screens. And anyone who tells you that Germany doesn’t have bugs is a liar-liar-pants on fire. As we haven’t gotten into truly hot summer yet (assuming it exists), and seeing as how we have indoor cats, I have NO idea how this is gonna pan out.

Meteorolo-huh?
I have no idea when I leave the house in the morning what the day has in store. Just because it’s sunny and warm in the village where we live, it may be cold and rainy in Regensburg, which is only 12 km away. I find that half the time the weather is completely different in all of the little villages around here, which makes me think, maybe we aren’t all living underneath the same big sky. (Yep, just quoted Fievel Mouse.) We don’t seem to have storm systems, which can give a little warning on the ole Doppler radar of what’s coming ‘round the mountain. Unfortunately, all of a sudden a huge, gray, fast-moving cloud just appears out of nowhere and as soon as you notice it, the heavens open up. Germany Travel Tip #42: Don’t leave home without your umbrella. I have come home looking like a drowned rat more times than I can count on both hands. Or toes. Whatever you choose. (I choose toes; with fingers I always forget where I started.)


Freezing my cha-chas off.
We came over for our house hunting trip the first week of July last year. I packed sundresses and flip-flops. FROZE. Moved here at the end of August. Again, only had summer things with a couple pairs of jeans and a jacket. FROZE. Had to buy a fleece third day we were here. (And here is where I’ll lose your sympathy.) I know you people in the Midwest are gonna tell me I’m ridiculous since you all had the coldest, most snowing-est winter in about a thousand years, and I have to report that our winter was very, very mild. Think we only had snow in November, just in the knick of time to hit all of our visitors, then again around Easter, which as memory serves was in March. Already I can hear you saying “huh?” Yep, me too. Isn’t snow supposed to be in the winter? Does El Nino affect Deutschland too?

So now, after I’ve spent a month at home during truly beautiful Midwest May weather (I missed most of these horrible rains that are flooding nearly every county on the Mississippi), I expected it to be sunny and warm here in Germany. Just to make sure I was prepared, I made some great contributions to my summer wardrobe during my journey. So you can imagine how I felt when I got off the plane last week, FROZE and reached for my fleece.

After all that ranting, okay--whining, I have to say, all’s well that ends well. Yesterday it was finally warm enough to break out the summer clothes. I think it may have gotten up to 80 both yesterday and today. (Not entirely sure since I don’t speak Celsius yet.) Anyway, I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but today sure is a beaut’. Come over and see for yourself!