Tools for becoming a Global Citizen

Just a couple of pointers to avoid Cultural Collisions (Cat’s-ass-trophies.)

Gestures: You can get into some serious problems here. First of all, let's start with nodding. Apparently, this doesn’t always translate. For Bulgarians, ‘no’ means ‘yes.’ They actually shake their heads side-to-side slowly as in noooooway-Jose (wait, that’s Spanish) when they are indicating yes. Maybe it’s Bulgarian chicks who’ve given women everywhere a bad name. (Doubtful.) To make matters more confusing, Italians have the opposite problem. When they want to say no, they cock their heads back, which unfortunately looks an awful lot like a nod. So…no means yes, but yes means no?
Secondly: Feeling good. Thumbs up—that one seems to be allrighty-roo across most cultures. The one that isn’t: the ‘A-OK.’ As in your thumb and pointer finger connected in an “O.” Just found out here, that doesn’t mean ‘Allrighty,’ or ‘Sure,’ or even ‘No Problem’ as I had been using it…frequently. Looks like here it means (Janene: close your ears) ‘Asshole.’ Whoops. I’ve got an awful lot of apologies to make.

Manners: Japanese consider it rude to blow your nose in public. They are required to get up and leave the room instead of snucking gracefully in their seat. My Asian friends are absolutely horrified when old Bavarian men pull out their hankies at the dinner table. Guten Appetit!
Also entering in the manners category is Birthday wishes. It’s very bad luck in Germany to wish someone Happy Birthday early. Thank goodness! Now I can appear thoughtful when in reality I’ve simply forgotten!

Booze: Germans DO drink their beer cold. Gott sei Dank. (thankfully.)

Toilets: A bidet is a great device for washing feet post dance class. (Disclaimer: we aren’t really using it for its intended purpose, so it’s clean.)

Driving: “Fahren” is the German verb that means ‘to drive.’ Unfortunately, when it’s in its conjugated form, it usually becomes some form of ‘fahrt.’ “Gute fahrt”—enjoy your drive. “Probe fahrt”—test drive. “Ausfahrt”—exit ramp. As Germans are a little obsessed with driving, there is quite a lot of fahrting around here. Not to mention that anytime you ride, you also fahrt. You fahrt on a bike, on a bus. Heck, you even fahrt on a train. Well, we are in the land of wurst.

Meals: “Jause” (prounouced ‘yow-zeh’) is Austrian for Lunch. Go-go-gadget-sandwich! (Can’t imagine the majority of you are gonna get that reference.)

Tipping the scales: The word for ‘fat’ can be a couple of different things. One is ‘speck’ which also means ‘bacon.’ In other words: “Do these jeans make me look bacony?” Which, honestly, I think actually sounds appealing. I mean, after all, aren’t most things better when wrapped in bacon? The other word I’m a little embarrassed to say because it’s one of our slang words for the male anatomy. Every time I hear it, I giggle. How old am I…12?